12 Reasons a Marriage Doesn’t Crash & Burn

“Well, you know the statistics. I’m not sure why you’re so shocked. I mean, what you and T have is rare, it almost never happens. You really shouldn’t be surprised.” She declared to me after telling me about the 7th divorce amongst our friends.

I recently attended a graduate school reunion. We grew ten years older. I was guilty of narrowing my world to a speck compared to what it was before I had children and before I moved out of the city. My life had become so simple that I had forgotten that life moves quickly. The fact that life often takes sharp, unexpected turns and downward spirals slipped my mind.

I had to use two hands to count the number of divorces since we graduated in 2006. I suppose out of a class of nearly 100, that is below the average divorce statistic of 40-50%.

My eyes glazed over, I gaped across the table listening to friends laugh and tell joyful stories while my mind circled thoughts about life’s path. Once I decided my celebration of old friends had come to an end for the night, I walked back to my hotel. On the way home I pondered the “whys” of failed marriage. I explored the “hows” of successful, even thriving, marriages. Certainly, luck must be part of it.

What makes my relationship different? What enables a couple to be “in it for the long haul”.

12 Reasons Why Marriages Survive and Thrive

Here are my conclusions based on the “happily married” in my life (including myself):

1. Marry for companionship
2. Solid foundation with two feet planted firmly the ground
3. Share a vision for life, for parenting, and for what it means to love
4. Open communication about the good, the bad, and the ugly
5. Room to be flexible with life’s plans
6. Be the backbone and support your partner, but also take the support
7. Constant reminders of why you fell in love and why you fell in love
8. Willingness to accept the most challenging days and work through those difficult moments
9. Don’t let children come between you
10. Embrace the evolving definition of intimacy in your relationship
11. Spontaneity goes a long way
12. Laugh until your cry at least once a week

Life’s sharp turns and downward spirals are not always a terrible circumstance. Typically a life bigger and better emerges from that chaos. I must hold onto that idea. I can’t stand in shock among friends divorced for a myriad of reasons and fail to see the silver lining. I will, however, never take the fortunate I have in my own life with my own marriage for granted. Do the same. Grab hold and don’t let go.

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marnie

Marnie Craycroft has been blogging since 2010. She has a masters degree in business administration and is a Montessori-trained educator. Marnie has written four parenting and early learning eBooks, authors numerous digital learning materials, hosts a parenting podcast, and runs online workshops for parents and teachers. Marnie hails from Maine where she spent summers buried in sand and winters buried in snow. She is the proud daughter of a nearly four-decade veteran of the public school systems. Marnie moved to the west coast in 1999, and currently, lives east of Seattle with her husband and three sons. Besides writing, passions include running (usually after her three children), photography, and the outdoors.

Latest posts by marnie (see all)

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