Today, I want you to try doing three things for your spouse, without telling them what you are doing:
1. Give out three compliments (or say Thank You for 3 things):
Here are a few examples: 1). You look so nice today. 2). Did you clean out the car? It looks great! 3). Thanks for helping me to cleaning the kitchen while I read a book to the kids tonight. I love coming downstairs to a clean kitchen.
The thing about marriage is that it isn’t one-sided. Even if Mickey and I both put the kids to bed or both clean the kitchen, it is nice to hear “thanks for helping me.” Don’t let yourself get so caught up in the “I do more than you” storm that you miss the opportunities to thank the other person for the normal, day to day things. It matters. It makes a difference in your marriage if you both feel appreciated. If you start thanking your spouse, they will do the same back to you. Just wait & see…
2. Hug your spouse out of the blue.
Walk up behind him or her and give him a hug. Reach out and hold their hand. Kiss their cheek just because you can.
3. Do something special.
If I would clean out the van today, it would show Mickey that I was doing something to help him. This isn’t an area that bothers me (the van being filled with toys or sports equipment or clothes that need to be donated) but it drives him crazy, so when I clean it out, it is to show him that I love him. On the other hand, I can not stand to have dishes in the sink, but it doesn’t bother Mickey like it bothers me, so when he cleans the dishes that are in the sink, it is to show me that he loves me.
Every relationship has to be about give and take. When it becomes more about taking than giving, it can’t be maintained. When it becomes a giant scorecard of who gave more and who took more, the game ends in defeat.
PS- do you want more ideas? Print out these marriage rules for free (& I will send you weekly marriage encouragement).