Sometimes we forget the “we” part of marriage and focus instead on the “me” part suffering in the hurt, disappointment or loneliness. When those hard times come it’s easy to forget the partnership piece and instead focus on ourselves, am I right? Somedays the two of us are just out of sync and seem to have nothing in common. Why did I marry this person? I mean we don’t even like the same things!
Does this sound like you? I know I need the reminder of what marriage is really about even when things aren’t bad, simply because life happens and marriage is the first thing to get moved to the back burner. Today we are talking about 25 {simple} things we can do when our marriage is suffering and even when it’s not.
Use his name. His given name or a special name you gave him back in the swooning we are so in love early days.
And talk with him not at him, extending the same courtesy you want shown to you.
Break up with your TV for a week.
Make your house a home and plan a night in where he can relax. {You will too}. You can turn it back on when he comes home {if he wants to}, but the rule is you have to sit together, put your phones down and actually cuddle on the couch!!
Actually get up, get dressed and do your make up or whatever makes you feel your best.
Studies show we are more positive when we attend to ourselves – not just everyone else in the house – so a bit of sprucing up and the day will be better. The bonus is you’ll feel more like yourself and not just so and so’s mom or so and so’s wife. When we feel more confident it affects all relationships in the house.
Focus on the positive and ignore the negative.
So he forgot to put out the garbage yesterday and you had to do it today. Last Monday, he came home early to give you a much needed little people break so you could go for an early dinner with girlfriends. Keep that memory and remember that he’s only human. He probably got to work and thought ‘oh I forgot to put out the garbage.’ Seriously men are human too!
Make eye contact with each other through dinner.
Stop and be real with each other.
Go for a walk at dusk.
Because that’s just romantic. And if you have to bundle up babies and both push a stroller, that’s alright. You are outside and you are together. Just with an audience!
Plan a date night that only he would enjoy by choosing his favorite spots and activities.
Then watch and enjoy through his happiness.
Write him a love letter.
Yes I know what you’re thinking, he might not read it. Okay so write him a love letter anyway. What?! Look, you don’t even have to give it to him. Regardless if your marriage is suffering or not, a letter of how you feel towards him and the reasons you chose him as a partner in the first place is a terrific reminder that will do YOU good.
Let go of your insecurities.
Women will focus how we forgot to shave our legs, or obsess how our bodies don’t look the same as they did before babies. Men don’t actually notice that stuff if there’s a chance for intimacy. It’s not how they’re programmed. Letting go of our insecurities will help not only our mental well-being but our marital relationship too.
Try to keep peace and harmony above all else always.
That thing that bothers him {stop doing it.}
Or start. My girlfriend’s husband hates dirty dishes so she resents doing them. When she’s truly trying to knock his socks off he’ll come home from work to an empty sink and know she was thinking of him.
Build him up to your friends and family.
Even if you aren’t feeling it they shouldn’t know anyway. You will start to see he’s pretty awesome and you won’t have to pretend long.
Sleep Naked for no reason.
Just keep a robe nearby or your door locked if you have a little night wander in your house!
Remember you were the clueless chick that married him.
There was and is meaning to the vows you took however many years ago. Our day-to-day’s sometimes get in the way of that. Especially when you’re covered in throw up and just want to go to sleep without being touched. Remember that you really did mean “in sickness and in health, till death do us part.”
Think before you speak.
Seriously let’s think mouthguard here okay! Use the language, tone and words you want reflected back to you. We all have an internal filter we use with strangers. Use it at home.
Write some words of gratitude about your husband {start a “story of us” marriage journal for your own benefit or for future generations.}
Cook only his favorite meals for a week.
Even if you hate cooking and eating meatloaf.
Do a date night in and get a baby sitter.
You can switch off with neighbors too and pick your kids up after they are asleep or do a lunch date at home.
Don’t just forgive, it’s not enough.
Hanging onto the anger will not magically switch to peace, but in fact will turn to bitterness dis-easing your heart one hateful thought at a time. Unforgiveness never heals brokenness. It’s not enough to forgive him because, like it or not, you HAVE TO forget too!
Tell yourself there are no rules in marriage.
Yes, there are a ton of books out there and so many blog posts… but in your marriage there’s only one husband and one wife. You two are writing your own story so don’t confine yourselves to any rules you might think the world sees. Make your own rules if you have too!
Guide don’t boss.
If you must. Men do want to help, I mean sometimes they ask right? I know my husband will try to “fix” my situation when I just want to vent about something so I try not to get all up in his business. Guiding and offering your opinion is great – don’t turn it into boss fest. You aren’t his Mother. Guide him with grace being respectful he is his own unique person too and you’ll both be happier at the end of the day.
Ask how his day went at work and actually stop what you are doing to listen to his response.
Remember the same letters that spell “listen” also spell “silent.” Feel free to use that one liner on your kids too!
Work on your marriage everyday.
On your beautiful wedding day they probably didn’t forward you that marriage is hard work. And if we don’t work on it daily it will work on us. Someday your kids will be raised and it will just be you and him. Will you be stronger in the empty nest or strangers? Put the work in now or in 20 or so years you may have nothing to hold onto.
Take a class together {or maybe see a movie.}
Choose one that neither of you think you would actually like. Who knows you might find that you both like it so now you have a new common ground to build upon.
Pray like you mean it, believe it and don’t stop.
Regardless of how you are feeling you are married to him. And truth be told it’s probably a choice you would make again. Do whatever it takes to keep that flame going. Even if it’s currently only a flicker. Remember, it just takes one spark to light a forest fire. Not that I’m advocating criminal activity to grow your bond, but you know what I’m saying!
Good luck and may God bless your marriage better than you have ever dreamed!
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